WHY DID I START YOUTUBE?
"Why did you start making YouTube videos?"
A question i have been asked countless times. At the start my answer was always: "One day i am going to make a video on why i started doing YouTube". I could tell from most peoples facial expressions at this point that their curiosity spiked even further when i said this. As time went by, i created more & more content which in return meant; more and more people asking me the same question. I remained persistent and continued to answer the same question from different people with the same response i gave at the start. However, on May 26 2017, i uploaded a video that went Viral all around the world. Newspapers, Magazines, Media Companies and just normal people from all around the world wanted an interview with me. Naturally, it got a bit tiring for me at this point repeating the same answers to different people. It would be much more easier if now was the time to just make a video so people can find their answers there instead of asking for individual interviews with me. I am a very confident person in front of the camera, but when it comes to sensitive subjects i get a bit nervous, i still wasn't ready to kind of explain to people how i am actually helping my self more then i am making others laugh and smile.
In other news...
Back in my Sixth Form college days, i used to think that Addiction, Depression, Anxiety etc. were simply related to how strong minded a person is. I always had a strong feeling towards trying to justify that addiction, anxiety, depression etc. are all dependent on a persons state of mind. The strong minded win while the weak minded lose themselves to it. Being a confident person from a young age i was never scared to share my thoughts & opinions with others. So when a class debate used to happen, i was always front row, ready to speak my mind. Although it was mostly 'Me Vs the rest of the class' during these discussions, i would have never thought that...
I was wrong...
Yes, i admit it, i was wrong. There is a common saying that goes something along the lines of: "You don't know how something feels until you experience it". Well, that really fitted my situation. I fell into depression and lost myself to anxiety. A number of different factors got my mental health to that state, factors such as:
- Lifestyle - eating, sleeping etc. i ate junk food, i was eating at stupid o'clock (literally), i always skipped breakfast and mostly lived off 1 meal a day.
- Education - i had a lot of pressure that i put on myself...i had a strong mind that, the only way of being successful is by getting good grades or becoming a professional footballer.
- Friends - One of the worst things that can ever happen is finding out that a close friend of yours, has committed suicide. The first time hearing it is probably the worst, someones that has always been there, not being in this world anymore :(
- Some other factors that are best left not said.
Anywho, back to mental health. So i tried the whole medication & speaking thing, it didn't help me one bit. Instead i felt like it was pointless and i felt lost. Why? Because, Bi-Polar depression is something that you can't really explain. Sure enough, events may happen in your life which can lead to depression. But bi-polar depression was something else. You'd be fine one day and the next you'd be down for 5 weeks for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. Which in return means that when someone asks you:
"Watsup, talk to me, is there anything i can help with..."
The simple answer to that would be: "No". There is absolutely nothing to explain your mind, feelings and why you are down, so that in itself is difficult. Different things get you out of that "Zone". Keeping yourself busy with sports, hobbies, friends, going out etc. are all things that help the temporary pain and is not necessarily the long term solution. Think of it as trying to get over the love of your life after 5 years of being together, and then realising that the person never loved you. (just an example, not my life story just in case someone puts 2 & 2 together)
Depression & Anxiety is real...
...and it's affecting more & more people at a younger age. Different things can trigger depression/anxiety. A couple different factors can trigger it such as:
- Environment - where you grow up has a huge impact on you, living a life where you don't have to worry about money, illness, travel etc. is something that keeps us happy. Living in a council flat with little or no income or being on the dole is something that affects people with a lot of pride especially, this naturally affects those around you as well. Facial expressions and/or negative behaviour from someone that lives with you is something like a disease. We as humans are affected greatly when we hear sad news, especially if it affects those close to us. It affect our day-to-day lives.
- Family - your upbringing and the person you become is largely dependent on your parents and immediate family. What they feed into you is what partially makes you, you! Some are not ready for parenting yet choose or happen to become one, which in return means the child growing up with parents that are unable to provide.
- Friends - I've always said this: don't hang out with the wrong crowd. if you want to live a happy in life, hang out with positive people. If you want to be succesfull in life, hang out with like-minded people. Don't get involved in bad stuff or with bad people. peer-pressure is a b***h, the last thing you want is to be part of something or do something that's not you.
- Childhood - what you are taught at school by your teachers and family is what contributes to making you, you.
- Event - a tragic, life changing event can deeply affect your behaviour and personality.
- Loneliness, Addiction & Illness - these are quite self-explanatory.
What was my solution?
YouTube! Every person has their own solution, some take days/weeks/months to figure that out. Others like myself took years to find that "solution". Finding your own way is the first step to getting better. For me, making other people happy & smile is my way out (sounds weak, cringey & lame, i know) . I don't consider myself as a comedian or public figure nor do i act "prestige". I am humble, grateful & blessed for the support i receive on a daily basis. Words can't describe how much you're actually helping me, more then i am helping you laugh or smile. I am doing this for me and only me.
Finally, don't push those trying to help you away, especially close family/friends. You'll only hurt yourself more in the process:
"Don't try and fix yourself, by breaking someone else"
Thank you for reading & stay blessed :)